


Temporary highs

by bright_lights_big_dreams



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angry Michael, Cake, Dramatic, Drugs, I don't know, I guess there could be a bit of suicidal thoughts, I just started writing and this happened, M/M, Sad, Sad Luke, Swearing, angry, happy ending i guess, if you want it to be, luke's a drug addict, there's no actual romance but there could be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 17:40:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6529702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bright_lights_big_dreams/pseuds/bright_lights_big_dreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'This was it. It had been coming for a long time, Luke wasn't stupid, he knew there was going to be a time when everyone had turned their backs on him, left him alone to destroy his life after they finally realised nothing they did was going to work. He'd known this was going to happen but he didn't try and stop it, just kept pushing everyone and their offers of help away. This was all his own fault.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Temporary highs

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> I'm not even completely sure where this came from I just wanted to write something and this happened. I'm not completely happy with it but I spent quite a while on it so I thought I might as well post it! It hasn't been proofread so I apologise if there's any major problems.  
> I hope you like it :)

Luke dragged open his eyes, letting a groan escape from his parted lips as a too-bright beam of sunlight attacked his vision and increased the intensity of the dull throbbing in his head. He rolled over, so he was facing away from the blind he obviously hadn't shut before he'd passed out last night, and let out another groan, blindly reaching for his phone which he knew should be on his bedside table. He grasped the small device, praying that he had turned the brightness down at some point last night. He hadn't. The blonde winced, partly because of the brightness, partly because of the time on his phone, and partly because of the messages he saw, or the lack of them.

It was half past 3 in the afternoon. It definitely wasn't the first time this had happened to him, waking up in the afternoon with no memory of what had happened the night before had become a regular occurrence for the blonde. What was different was the fact that no one had text him. There were no messages from his old friends asking to meet up while he was back in Australia, no messages from his family demanding for him to see them and 'sort himself out', no angry messages from his band-mates questioning where he was and asking why he hadn't turned up to rehearsal or a song-writing session or whatever the fuck he had slept through this time, there was just nothing.

This was it. It had been coming for a long time, Luke wasn't stupid, he knew there was going to be a time when everyone had turned their backs on him, left him alone to destroy his life after they finally realised nothing they did was going to work, he'd known this was going to happen but he didn't try and stop it, just kept pushing everyone and their offers of help away. This was all his own fault.

He hadn't meant for this to happen, he hadn't meant to let it get this bad, he'd just wanted something to help him breathe, something to take the edge off the crushing pressure he was being suffocated under, he'd just wanted to be happy for a while. That was it. It was supposed to be simple - a one time thing. One of the guys they'd been partying with did it from time to time and he was always fine, so why wouldn't it be the same for him?

That was about 6 months ago, the first time Luke had got high, he didn't even know what it was, he'd just seen his mate doing some and asked for a bit.

It was nice. The high kicked in and Luke felt good for the first time in a long time. He loved being in a band, of course he did, it was his dream, but what he hadn't realised was how hard it was. He was under so much pressure from management and his band-mates and the fans to get everything right and he just couldn't do it any more, he had never coped well under pressure and this was how he had found his escape.

After he had come down that first time he honestly thought that was the only time he was going to do it. He felt better, like a weight had lifted off his shoulders, but that only lasted for a few days. All too soon Luke was drowning again but this time hew knew what would make him float, and, it was helping him, that was a good thing, right?

That's what he had told himself anyway, even as they went to new places and met new people and he spent more and more time in bathrooms with different drugs giving himself temporary highs he just kept repeating that mantra in his head. They were helping him, so they had to be a good thing, right? 

Even after tour had finished and they had some time off and he still found himself sneaking around and trying new and stronger narcotics he kept telling himself the same thing. It was okay because they were making him feel better.

The boys knew what was happening, of course they did. They'd all tried talking to him about separately, and when that hadn't worked they tried to have a fucking band meeting about it, but Luke had kept his resolve, he was fine, he didn't need help, the drugs just made him feel better. He had told himself the same thing so many times he'd started to believe it. 

That was Luke's problem. He let himself believe his own lie and by the time he realised he might not be as okay as he thought it was way too late for him to try and do anything about it, he was in way too deep.

They'd just returned to Australia and Luke was about to see his family for the first time in about 6 months. He hadn't taken anything all day, he was going home and that was going to make him happier, so he wouldn't need the high any more, that was the plan he had in his head, but much like the rest of his life it didn't really go to plan. He spent a large amount of his first evening back with his family with an awful headache and a sick feeling in his stomach. He hadn't been able to eat much, and by the end of the night he was shaking and sweating and he knew exactly why that was. He had managed to lie to his parents about a bug some of the crew had before literally racing back to his apartment and finding whatever he could to curb the cravings that had set in.

The next time he saw his parents he was high, and they knew it. He didn't always remember everything after he'd come down but his mothers face when she had clocked his dilated pupils and the faraway look in his eye was something he'd never be able to forget. 

It only got worse when Luke turned up to an appearance on national TV completely off his face. The other 3 only had to look at him to know what was wrong and even though they made up a lie about him being ill to keep him off camera the damage was already starting to be done. He was taking the drugs more regularly, ignoring everyone's advice and offers of help. He would turn up to interviews and family arrangements and rehearsals high as a kite but he just couldn't force himself to care, he needed them to get him through the day and nothing else mattered any more.

Everyone was always angry at him. He didn't blame them. His parents would scream and cry, desperately trying to get him to listen to what they were saying or go to rehab or come home or do something that would help him, but Luke just ignored them, like he ignored his band-mates. His best friends were getting angrier and angrier at him everyday. They'd try to talk to him but it never worked. Luke wasn't turning up to half of their rehearsals, and when he did he was high. They couldn't keep going on like this, Luke knew it and they knew it, he was just waiting for them to do something about it. He didn't want to be kicked out of the band, his fans and his music had once meant everything to him but now he needed the drugs more.

He hated the person he'd turned into. Everyone knew. He'd been to enough important events and talked to too many people while high for people not to know. He didn't go on twitter much any more but when he did he was no longer met with messages from thousands of fans telling him how much they loved him or how much they wanted to meet him, instead there were messages filled with concern, or anger, or both. How had he turned from the person that people used to idolise to the person people hated?

There were loads of articles about him, sometimes when he felt particularly shit and wanted to drown in some more self-pity he would go through and read all about his 'Fall From Grace' and the 'Dark Path' he'd gone down. It made him laugh actually, everyone else seemed to care so much more than he did, he just wanted to get high and forget the world for a while. So that's what he did, and now he was here, completely alone.

Luke groaned again as he sat up. He was still wearing yesterday's clothes, and they stunk. He pulled his long legs over the side of his bed, stretching as he stood up, ignoring the empty packets and cans that were littered all over his bedroom floor. He reached down to undo his jeans that had once fit him perfectly but were now baggy, but stopped at the sight of his hands. His knuckles were bloody and bruised, it almost looked like he'd punched something, or someone. 

He stumbled into the bathroom, one look in the mirror confirming his suspicions. He'd been in a fight last night. A dark bruise was starting to form underneath his eye and his lip was split. There was dried blood underneath his nose and mouth and there was even blood on his shirt. What had he done? He pulled his shirt over his head, wincing at the sight of the angry red bruise that was forming under his rib cage. 

Luke hated looking at himself in the mirror these days. He hadn't shaved for a while and his beard paired with his pale, gaunt face, made him look a mess, well, he was a mess. There was no other way to put it. Luke had fucked everything up and pushed everyone away and he had no way of getting out of the grave he had dug himself.

Luke's shower was quick. He couldn't find any shower gel so he figured shampoo would have to work and the water was too hot but he didn't care. Caring took too much energy for him nowadays, not giving a shit was a lot easier. After he was out of the shower he pulled on some sweats and crashed back on to his bed, letting his mind wander to what had actually happened last night because he could not remember. He had obviously been in a fight with someone, but who was it, and why? He didn't think he'd ever been a particularly violent person, but then again some drugs made him act like a completely different person.

He decided to look on the internet. Enough of his life had ended up in news articles recently there was no reason as to why this wouldn't be there either, but what he found when he searched his name in Google made his heart drop into his stomach.

'Luke Hemmings and Ashton Irwin in bar brawl!'  
'The end of 5sos?'  
'2 members of 5sos in fistfight in Sydney; how did they end up here?'

The sick feeling inside of him only increased as he clicked the first link and it lead to an article detailing what the paps waiting outside the bar had seen, but what made him feel worse were the pictures. There were loads of them showing him and Ashton throwing punches and Michael and Calum trying to separate them. Luke thought he was about to throw up when he saw a video at the bottom, but he knew he had to watch it, he had to know exactly what had happened.

Ashton left the bar first, and he didn't look happy. He'd started walking down the road but Luke saw himself leave the bar and yell something that he couldn't quite pick up in the audio. Whatever he'd said made Ashton stop and turn round, and whatever the curly haired man had replied with caused Luke to literally throw himself at his best friend, well, was he really his best friend any more? Luke bit his already painful lip as he watched himself and Ashton hurting each other for however long it was until Michael and Calum raced out of the bar to see their 2 friends fighting. Luke watched Michael and Calum push in to the middle of him and Ashton and pull them away from each other. Michael was holding Ashton and Luke was watching himself fighting against Calum's strong grasp. 

That's where the video ended. Luke's head was spinning. He had got into a fight with Ashton yesterday and he had no memory of it whatsoever. He couldn't remember seeing any of his band-mates yesterday, actually he didn't really remember anything that happened yesterday, whatever he took it must've been strong. It was no wonder he hadn't received any messages today, they probably all hated him now. He deserved it, he knew that, but it just made the empty feeling in his chest grow and twist and it hurt and he didn't know what to do.

Well he did, he knew exactly what would make the pain go away and right now he was way too weak to try and do anything else. His eyes scoured his bedroom, a small smiling landing on his face as he saw a small bag that still had a few pills inside of it sitting on his dressing table. He needed them. He was about to get up and grab them when something stopped him, and for the first time in a long time another thought crossed his mind, did he really need them?

Luke took a deep breath. He wanted them, that wasn't even up for debate but did he need them? Did he really need the things that made his family hate him and made him the kind of person that attacked one of his closest friends. Luke took another deep breath and turned away from the pills, his eyes instead landing on his phone. Maybe he could distract himself for a bit? 

He unlocked the device, hovering his fingers over the different apps before he decided on twitter, maybe seeing what other people were saying would distract him from the easy high that was only meters away. It didn't. Everywhere he looked all Luke saw were tweets about his drug addiction or his fight with Ashton or how the band must be over and he felt so shit. He'd hurt so many people. There were so many people that used to care about him but now he had no one, and he felt awful about it. The pit in his stomach had turned into some kind of black hole and he couldn't breathe. He needed to breathe. He couldn't do this any more.

Before he closed the app Luke took the time to type 2 words and post his first tweet in 2 months; 'I'm sorry.' Luke couldn't remember if he'd said those words in the whole time that he'd let his life crash down around himself but he meant them. He didn't think he had ever meant anything more. He was sorry to everyone he had hurt or upset or disappointed, he was sorry to the fans and his family and his band-mates, he was sorry. 

He was sorry that he wasn't strong enough to keep going.

 

"What are we going to do? We can't let him keep going on like this. We can't keep going on like this!" Michael exclaimed, anger clear in his voice as he sat opposite Ashton and Calum. Everything was a mess. Everything they had worked so hard and so long for was falling apart.

"You're telling me," Ashton remarked sarcastically, waving his hand at his black eye, "He's out of control."

"He's been out of control for a long time, we just haven't been strong enough to stop him." Calum sighed. He still couldn't understand how Luke had turned into the person he was now. Luke,who used to be the baby of the band had turned into the bad boy of the band, the out-of-control drug addict, and they'd let it happen.

"Look, Calum, we've been through this before, we can't blame ourselves, we've done everything we can." Michael stated.

"Yeah," Calum mumbled, pulling his phone out of his pocket but stopping short at the twitter notification on his screen, "Guys, he tweeted."

"What?" Ashton's voice showed his surprise, they were all surprised, Luke hadn't been active on social media for months.

"What did he say?" Michael questioned.

Calum took a deep breath, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, "I'm sorry."

"Is that it?" Ashton asked, he didn't know what he was expecting but it wasn't that.

"What's he sorry for? Fucking his life up, hurting the people that care about him, beating up Ashton?" Michael spoke, rolling his eyes. Luke was gonna need to do a bit more than that to sort this out.

The three of them sat in silence, not sure what their next move should be.

"I think we should call him." Calum spoke quietly, already knowing what the reactions from his friends would be.

"We can't Calum! We agreed that we weren't going to try and get back in contact with him after yesterday. He needs to realise his actions have fucking consequences!" Michael snapped.

"Well what's that tweet then?" Calum began to raise his voice, "That's the only time he's ever said sorry, he obviously feels bad about it, I think we should talk to him, we have no idea what he could be doing!"

"What do you think he's doing?" Ashton's voice was still quiet, his mind obviously still on the blonde that he'd fought with yesterday.

"I don't know." Calum's voice became soft again, he was worried, they all were, they just showed it in different ways.

"Well I'm pretty sure I do!" Michael's voice was still loud and spiteful, "I think he's off somewhere getting high and not giving a shit about anyone else other than himself! He probably wanted some attention and decided a tweet was the perfect way to get it! If you call him you'll just be doing exactly what he wants!"

"But what if he's not? I just want to check that he's okay, please." Calum sighed, he had a knot of worry in his stomach and he knew it was because of Luke, he just needed to talk to him.

"Call him Calum. I'm sure he's fine but call him if you want to." Ashton spoke up.

Calum smiled at the older boy and ignored the dramatic sigh that Michael let out of his mouth and left the room, deciding it would be easier to make the call on his own. Calum took a deep breath before he called Luke's number, he wasn't sure why he was so anxious at the moment but something just didn't feel right. He almost thought Luke wasn't going to pick up after the phone rang a few times but he let out a sigh of relief as the ringing stopped.

"Luke?" Calum said softly, he had no idea what kind of state the blonde boy was in right now.

Luke didn't reply but Calum could hear him breathing on the other end.

"Luke?" Calum repeated, "Luke, are you okay?"

Calum heard Luke's breath catch in the back of his throat and he was about to say something else when the blonde spoke,"Calum?" 

"Yeah," Calum sighed, "Luke, what's happening, are you okay?"

"I-I don't know. I don't know any more! I can't do this Cal, I don't know what to do I'm just-I don't know!" Luke was close to crying. Calum could hear it in his voice, it kept cracking and breaking and Calum's heart broke for the younger boy.

"Luke, listen to me, what's wrong?" Calum tried to sound strong but he felt his voice waver slightly.

"Everything! I'm wrong! I've fucked everything up and I don't know what do any more. I can't keep going Cal, I can't keep doing this I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm not strong enough I'm sorry everyone hates me I'm-" Luke was crying now, panicking. His breath was coming in short gasps and Calum had to take a deep breath before he interrupted the blonde.

"Luke. Breathe. Please. It's okay."

"No! It's not okay and it never will be! I've ruined everything. Everyone hates me." Luke cried. Calum could hear his friend's sobs through the phone and he knew he needed to be with him.

"People don't hate you Luke, we don't hate you, we could never hate you."

"But yesterday! You have to hate me after yesterday!" 

Calum sighed, "We don't Luke. It's not your fault, you'd had a hard day and we probably didn't make it any better."

Calum's concern rose as Luke stopped making noise, "Luke, Luke are you still there?"

"I don't remember anything from yesterday, I know what I did, I saw the fucking video but I don't remember anything!"

Shit. Luke didn't remember. "Look, Luke, I need you to calm down, are you at home?"

"Yes."

"I'm coming to see you, but I need you to stay calm okay, you need to breathe, right?" Calum spoke, his voice as calm as it could be considering the circumstances.

"No. You don't have to. Just leave me alone it's what I deserve it's my fault-"

"Luke. I am coming and nothing you say will stop me, now, please breathe for me, I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Okay." Luke mumbled through the phone, Calum could hear him taking some deep breaths and he realised that this was the first time Luke had listened to him in a while.

 

 

10 minutes later Calum was standing outside Luke's apartment. When Michael and Ashton had found out where he was going they had insisted on coming with him but Calum was adamant that they had to stay in the car, the last thing Luke need right now was to be overwhelmed with too many people. He had Luke's spare key but he hadn't been to the apartment in a while and he had no idea what he was supposed to expect.

Calum would describe it as a mess but it was 10 times worse. Luke had never been the tidiest human being but this was something else. There were empty food wrappers and beer cans and dirty clothes strewn everywhere. Plates with old food on them were piled up on the sides and the smell was honestly disgusting. How had they been letting him live in this place?

"Luke, it's Calum, where are you?" Calum called tentatively but Luke did not reply. With a sigh he picked his way through the mess, trying not to stand on anything too disgusting as he approached Luke's bedroom. Calum pushed open the door, calling Luke's name again while he did so.

The bedroom was no better than the living area. Clothes and rubbish were everywhere, but Luke wasn't.

"Luke!" Calum repeated, "Luke, are you in here."

He heard a whimper from the bathroom in response, and what he saw inside broke his heart all over again. Luke had curled his 6 ft body into a ball, his knees were pulled up to his chest and his head was resting between them. His shoulders were heaving up and down, but he was making no noise.

Ignoring the grime on the floor Calum crouched down next to the blonde, placing his hand softly on the boys shoulder and letting out a sigh as Luke flinched away from his touch.

"Luke, it's okay, it's me," Calum spoke softly, "Come on, look at me."

Luke shook his head, another sob jolting his body.

"Luke, please, it's me, you know me Luke, just look at me." Calum kept his voice soft, praying to a god he wasn't sure he believed in that Luke would just respond.

The dark haired boy held his breath as Luke slowly lifted his head. Calum let out a sigh as his worried brown eyes met Luke's tired blue eyes. Luke didn't look good. His face almost seemed to have sunk and his eyes were bloodshot from having cried so much. He was so different to who he was 6 months ago, but he was still Luke, and he needed help.

"I'm sorry." Luke's voice was hoarse, he sounded broken, defeated.

"It's okay Luke, it's gonna be okay." Calum replied, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt.

Luke just shook his head. 

"Luke, I promise it is, it's gonna be hard but it will be okay." Calum stated, Luke had to realise and accept that otherwise nothing was going to get better.

Luke took a deep breath and unclenched one of his fists, showing Calum a small bag filled with brightly coloured pills. "I-I want them so badly Calum. I need them. I don't know what to do. I can't keep going on like this!" Luke was crying again, salty tears falling from his blue eyes as he stared at Calum who could only describe Luke's expression as helpless. Luke was lost and they needed to find him again.

Calum slowly reached out his hand and took the bag from Luke's shaking ones, slipping them in his pocket and mentally reminding himself to get rid of them later. He then placed his hands over Luke's in an attempt to steady them.

"Do you want to know what happened yesterday?" Calum asked, deciding it would help Luke if he knew, maybe his reaction would be different today.

"What do you mean?" Luke asked, how did Calum know what had happened to him yesterday when Luke himself had no idea.

"Something happened yesterday which made you want to talk to us, which in turn lead to what happened with Ashton." Calum explained, hoping that what he was about to tell Luke didn't have the opposite of the reaction he thought it would.

"Tell me." Luke stated, a different look that seemed to be a mix of interest and worry now in his eye.

"You had a big argument with your parents. Bigger than usual. They told you that they were going away for a few days to visit some rehab centres, and when they came back you were going to have to go to one whether you liked it or not, and, let's just say you didn't have the best reaction."

Calum watched Luke swallow before he spoke, "What did I do?" Luke seemed younger somehow, he looked more vulnerable than Calum had ever seen him.

"You got angry. You threw some things and said some things you definitely didn't mean. Your parents mentioned that we agreed with them, and for some reason you thought that we'd convinced them to do it, so you stormed out and came looking for us." Calum spoke, keeping his voice level and searching Luke's face for any sign of an adverse reaction to the words he was saying.

"Oh," Luke's voice was quiet, he took a few moments to process the information he'd been told before he asked his next question, "Why did me and Ashton fight?"

"Well, you were already angry and he wasn't in the best mood and you both just said the wrong things. He's fine though, him and Mikey are outside because I wasn't sure if you'd want to see them." Calum replied honestly.

Luke just nodded, and for a while the 2 boys sat in silence reflecting on what had happened over the past few days and the past few months. Calum slowly moved so he was sitting next to Luke, a small smile crossing his face as the blonde leant his head against his chest and let Calum wrap an arm around his shoulders. It had been so long since Luke had shown any of them any affection, or let them show him any affection.

"Calum?" Luke's croaky voice broke the silence that had descended between the two.

"Yeah?"

"I want to go to rehab." Those words made Calum's heart jump, maybe, just maybe everything could be okay.

"You do?" Calum questioned softly, he had to make sure that Luke wasn't going to change his mind.

"Yeah. I don't want to be this person any more. I want to be how I used to be. I want to be happy." Luke murmured, adjusting his position so that he was resting on Calum more comfortably.

"I want you to be happy too." Calum replied softly, fondness filling his voice as he instinctively lowered his head to kiss Luke's forehead.

Luke knew that it still wasn't perfect. He knew it was going to be hard and it was going to hurt but right now he didn't care. Right now Luke felt something he hadn't felt in a long time, and that was peace. He felt at peace with himself and his mind and the people around him and right now that was all he wanted.


End file.
